February.

Life Update:

Critical Care/Emergency Trauma Nurse Fellowship Completed
CCRN Certification obtained
Traveled from Scottsdale, AZ to Bethesda, MD driving roughly 2,000 miles in order to find myself right in the middle of Winter here on the East coast.

These past few months I’ve neglected self reflection and have been focusing entirely on my move, studying for my certification exam, and I ended up falling for a man in Scottsdale - naturally with the worst timing possible.

First and foremost, the year long fellowship has come to a close. 6 weeks of in class studying, 3 months of case studies and graded clinicals, then followed by external rotations into different units, then finally developing into an independent ICU Nurse in which I was taking patient’s independently. The course can be described and fit into a few sentences, but it was so much more than that.

The culmination of those didactic courses, case studies, and external rotations allowed me to advance myself in my knowledge and confidence far beyond my expectations. When the time came to begin studying for the CCRN examination to certify myself, I began my studying and also ended up stumbling into a boy whom I didn’t anticipate falling for as hard as I did.

In my personal life, I’ve struggled with allowing myself to fall into anyone and maintained a certain aloofness to ensure that I didn't fall into anything, mostly due to the fact that my rotation through the area was only set for a year, and following the end of the year would mean my move from one side of the country to the opposite. So of course, at the end of the year, I ended up finding a boy whom I really ended up enjoying, shared interests, shared attraction, shared body contact.

And I couldn’t be more thankful for having found him. He was as enticed by me as I was by him and it came to allow me to open myself up a bit and share with him that I’m very recently divorced. Something I didn’t readily share with everyone, especially men whom I encounter due to it typically leaving me feeling a little more insecure about myself more than anything.

With him, it wasn’t an initial talk at first. It occurred over a dinner we went to together, which I brought myself to casually share with him. Sharing this with him, he didn’t act entirely off guard, nor did he judge by any means. He was genuinely interested in my story. And that, that was relieving.

We slept together, watched films, napped, and shared each other with one another for a brilliant period of time. I let myself become a little more vulnerable, allowed myself to open up, and wasn’t let down. In a heartbeat, I’d do it again.

Finally, my CCRN Certification time began to come forward. I scheduled for the exam, located my testing center, entered as uncertain as I could, walked out with my unofficial passing score. I feel that at that moment is when I finally felt the culmination of all my resilience truly show. From having separated my ex-husband, moving myself into a new studio on my own, being divorced in the middle of my fellowship, learning to love myself, and being enrolled in an extremely competitive program truly allowed me to self reflect how fucking phenomenal I really can be.

Anyhow, I think this is all I have to share for now.

Muse.

This past weekend, my tattoo artist, Angel came to visit me in Scottsdale.

Background: Angel has been the only person to tattoo me (aside from my first simple tattoo on my left forearm, which he proceeded to entirely redo and claim as his own), he’s also known me since before I left for the military. Over time we developed a unique relationship, which he deems us muses. We are muses to one another, we are not simply friends, but we are not lovers. We’re in the fine grey space between those two.

This unique visit had him travel to myself, versus the opposite. As we put one another under a microscope and took a step back to view the other’s life, we shared our insights with one another. Note, these are observations, sometimes advice, but always constructive.

He expressed his view of my tension as a whole, my sullen tunnel vision, and brilliance I’ve developed into while being on my own.

Due to this, I need to refine myself once more. For myself. This is all I have for now.

Life Update.

Well, it’s been exactly one month since I’ve posted anything here from my most recent events, family visits, and work changes that have occurred for myself.

And now it’s time to share.

On the 6th of September, I showcased my photography for the first time with RAW Phoenix. The showcase was brilliant and unique, the multitude of artists and creatives held together in one room to present themselves and network was something I never dreamed I’d be able to be a part of.

Positive: The kind creatives whom wanted to collaborate and truly appreciated the work I did.

Negative: I was unable to be present for the opening of the doors and initial set-up, so my parents presented for me (which was obvi cute) but I hate that my shift was shitty and I ended up having to stay on the unit.

Following, the next few days my parents stayed in town to visit with me and simply relax. We explored some areas downtown, watched some movies, met with family we hadn’t seen in such a long time. There was also a sports game on that Sunday, so I naturally watched that but don’t recall any bit of it.

Once my parents left from their visit, I literally slept for an entire day and a half to recover due to the work, family visiting, and event.

As a whole I’m beyond thankful for the opportunity to present myself in the showcase. It not only allowed me to present my creative self in a way that I’ve never done before, but it’s helping me to refine and edit that expression. Hindsight, there are a multitude of changes I’d make to that event, and now I can take all those notes and use them to press forward.

Photo Printing Studio.

Today, I set foot in first photo printing studio. 

Precursor, I've been scouted for a showcase here in Phoenix as a photographer - the first time anything like this has ever happened. I received an e-mail that I'd been noticed via Instagram, which I've re-read multiple times because I didn't believe it. I responded letting them know my interest, and submitted my formal application to the show. And here I am.  A nervous and ecstatic insane individual. 

Prior to this, I've never been asked to display my work, really anywhere. I've received notice from other creative souls who've said my work is good, and I've always taken that to heart. Those creatives are the first people I told when I found out about this opportunity. And now, now I need to display myself. 

I don't think I've ever been as nervous as I have when I set foot inside that photo printing studio. And I did it, and now I'm ordering my prints. 

This year I decided to take myself truly serious as a photographer. I invested in the camera I wanted and most importantly, I decided to invest in myself. 

DSC_1849.jpg

Perseid.

A few nights ago, I took a drive out to Payson, AZ. I'd love to tell about the remarkable greenery and mountainscape that the place held; however, I drove out in the evening and stayed out only for the night. What I did manage to see while lit by the thunderstorm in the encompassing area was beautiful. It was about 40 degrees cooler than Scottsdale and it was further cooled with the wind and rain cascading over. 

While out there I managed to capture a collection of a few images. I saw a few because while working on my night photography skills the pen light I would use to set my camera and equipment up would capture the attention of many small insects, which then attracted bats... 

Needless to say, I'm not afraid of bats, but the sudden silent swooping of air overheard while out in an almost pitch black environment wasn't the most comforting. 

On a side note, a great friend of mine whom recently returned from deployment happened to message myself that night, real adventurous type. We're going camping in a week or so. 

A mover, a maker, a shaker.

Here's to the start of my portfolio and the development of myself. 

I was uncertain of beginning this online curation of myself, but I've finally told myself. I saved the money to invest in the camera I've wanted, now it's time to invest in my personal self and showcase it.